Job Interviews – What People Are Really Saying


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Interviewer:

“Sorry (x) couldn’t be here.” – (x) CBA to see you, so he/she sent me instead and I’m just thrilled about it…clearly.

“So tell me about yourself…” – I have not read your CV and have literally no idea who you are, keep talking so I can try and think of some questions.

“We’re looking for someone enthusiastic and hard-working, willing to throw themselves into anything.” – You’re going to be somebody’s bitch.

“Are you willing to go above and beyond?” – Will you stay till 10pm when I give you jobs to do at 6:30 and smile about it?

“Some parts of the role will be tedious/menial.” – Most of your job will be tedious and menial.

“Do you have excellent attention to detail, are you buttoned down?” – Will you be a boring work zombie with no personality?

“Any questions for us?” – Dazzle me baby, dazzle me. 

Interviewee:

“Sorry, could you repeat that?” – I have no idea what you just asked me; stall, stall.

“Its always been my dream to do this.” – What you just described sounds hard and boring, but I need money. Please believe this eager face. If I smile enough, you’ll believe me right?

“I love going out, reading, seeing friends…” – I have no hobbies…I need to get some hobbies. Focus dammit.

“I’m great with computers, me and Microsoft office are BFF’s.” – I’m all the awesome at Facebook and when the screen turns blue, that’s good right?

“Oh yes, I know a bit about what you guys do.” – Umm, I googled you and you have a great logo, oh and I stalked you on Linkedin…and Twitter…and Facebook…and Pinterest…

“I love a challenge.” – I like sleep…and chocolate.

“I do a bit of photography.” – I take a great selfie.

“No, I don’t think I have any questions.” – I still don’t know what this role is I’ve applied for.

The only two questions that really need to be asked:

Why do you want this job and why do you think you’d be good at it?

If (x) happened how would you deal with it or improve it?

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